Well here we go!!

Well here we go!!

Okay guys,

It’s time,

I’m changing myself for the better and I’m taking you guys along with me.

So I’ve mentioned before that I gained weight quite quickly at the beginning of the year and it hasn’t budged….well, since then I have been put on antidepressants for my anxiety. For years I thought that if I worked hard enough I would be able to fix myself, why use medication…..

I’ve been on them for two months and I’m incredibly surprised at how good I’ve been feeling mentally lately. I was told that I would possibly gain more weight, have lowered libido, and become numb to my emotions. Thankfully, none of these side effects have occurred.

So to me that’s telling me that I was doing a lot worse than I thought. The fact that some tablets made me feel better than I have in so long made me realise that it was a good thing that i started to take them.

I’m usually a very stubborn person and I like to think I can do everything by my self. This isn’t the case. Although I can be very self motivated, in this situation I did need the help. Some people may be thinking “why dont you just talk to a psychologist and ditch the drugs?”, well I’m also doing that. And I don’t think I’d be a very good patient if I didn’t have that extra help.

I used to think I’d be ashamed of myself if I got help with my mental illness. My mind made me this way so why can’t my mind fix me? I now realise that it’s more than okay to have a little help, and just that little bit of help has motivated me to get serious about my physical health.

I’ve always enjoyed being active. I’ve done many many sports and dancing, I love swimming and I love the outdoors. Since I’ve been largely inactive this past 8 months due to my promotion, I often feel frumpy and oddly exhausted every day, and I truly believe that it’s because I have been so inactive after years and years of doing every activity under the sun.

So now to the point.

I’m officially starting my journey to physical and mental health. I’ve been saying that to my boyfriend for months, but something about documenting it and sharing it with people helps. I guess now people know, I’ll have to keep it up!

So time to get real and show what were working with. To give you an idea, I’m 5’2 and a very hourglass figure. I’ve never been called skinny and I’ve been fine with that! My waist is quite small and is usually a couple sizes smaller than my bust and bum. Okay….here are my starting photos!!!

I’m as big as I’ve ever been here, plus Ive been snacking, so the way I see it.. I can only get smaller!!

A toast to a healthier mind, body and soul!!

Until next time…

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Journey to self discovery…

Journey to self discovery…

so recently while scouting the internet, i stumbled upon a list of questions to answer on your journey to self discovery. This one comes from a website lavendaire who talks about embracing your true potential. I thought it was a good idea to give this a go.

 

  1. How do I feel at the moment?
    1. stressed about going to work tomorrow to one of the places I don’t like being with a supervisor I don’t like.
  2. What do I need more of in my life?
    1. positivity
  3. What would make me happy right now?
    1. to be on holidays
  4. What’s going right in my life?
    1. so much stress about work, so many mistakes
  5. What am I grateful for?
    1. I’m grateful for my partner, my family and my stability and security.
  6. When did i experience joy this week?
    1. when my car had been fixed after months of issues
  7. My small victories and successes in the last month
    1. paying for my car repairs…..
  8. What’s bothering me, why?
    1. my job, because the aspects that are causing me severe anxiety are outweighing the good things about it.
  9. Where are my priorities right now?
    1. To improve at work
  10. What do I love about myself?
    1. I’m a bubbly personality, with boobs and bum…
  11. Who means the world to me and why?
    1. My family-even when I’m a nasty piece of work, my family are always there. My Partner. He’s the yin to my yang, he compliments me, he contrasts me, he adores my no matter what stage of life I’m at.
  12. If I could share one message with the world, what would it be?
    1. You can’t expect everything to happen without work. You can’t expect a happy life if you don’t respect and care about people the way you want to be respected and cared for.
  13. What advice would i give to my younger self?
    1. Don’t sweat the small stuff. concentrate on yourself. You’ll find a perfect man soon enough.
  14. What Lessons did I learn this week?
    1. I need to stop assuming what people will say or do. It can turn bad really quick.
  15. If I had all the time in the world, what would I do first?
    1. bugger……tough question…..I would go back to study something like teaching or psychology.
  16. What’s draining my energy? Can i reduce it or cut it out?
    1. the stress of work..right now, i need to work. I have bills to pay
  17. What does my ideal morning look like?
    1. I wake up an hour before i need to leave, I do my hair and makeup, i put on clean clothes, i make a coffee and breakfast, I watch morning news and then head to work, anxiety free.
  18. What does my ideal day look like?
    1. I go to work happy, I don’t stress about what, or how i say everything to co workers, i come home, i change, i go to extra curricular activities, I come home and make dinner, I shower, watch TV, then go to bed.
  19. What makes me come alive? when was the last time i felt alive?
    1. travelling to places where I feel small, or going to a festival where I can dance and let go of negativities. The last time I felt alive was not too long ago on a work trip to the Gold Coast in early June. I was sitting on the beach by myself and just couldn’t stop smiling and feeling good.
  20. Where does my pain originate? What would need to happen for me to heal?
    1. My pain originates from my lack of self confidence. I need to put myself in a position where I am confident and I love myself. I need to find a job that i love doing every day.
  21. Who inspires me the most? Why am I drawn to those inspirations?
    1. A strange one, but the one who inspired me to start this blog. Glenn Manton. An Ex AFL player who came to speak to us. He was brilliant. He just told stories. Stories about his experiences and the lessons he learned, about the people he’s helped. It was this night that I decided however long it takes, I want to help and motivate people the way he does.
  22. What are my strengths, what am I really good at?
    1. I see myself as quite average, however, I’m good at thinking outside the box. I tend to think of the strange things that other people might not consider or they overlook.
  23. What is something I’ve always wanted to do but have been too scared?
    1. Those merry go round rides that go up into the air, spinning, while you’re sitting in nothing but a child swing seat.
  24. What is something I would love to learn?
    1. I’d love to learn German
  25. What hobbies would I love to try?
    1. Photography, Poetry, creative writing
  26. Where would I love to live in my ideal life?
    1. The Adelaide Hills in South Australia
  27. Where would I like to travel in the next 5 years?
    1. Germany, New Orleans
  28. What can I do to take better care of myself?
    1. Eat, and eat well
  29. When have i done something that i thought i couldn’t do?
    1. honestly I don’t remember…
  30. At the end of my life, what do I want my legacy to be?
    1. When I die, I want to be remembered for that person that always worked hard, always tried her best and always wanted to make everyone around her happy. I want to be remembered for being there for others.
Guys I failed…

Guys I failed…

Guys,

I failed my challenge!!

I got to day 9 and then just forgot. I FORGOT TO COMPLIMENT MYSELF! I think it just makes me realise how I don’t give myself as much love, care and attention that I do everyone else in my life.

Basically, I love making people happy. It bring me joy to know that I’ve helped make someone’s day that little bit better, all the while, forgetting about my self.

I really struggled to say something positive everyday for 9 days… I could not find 10 compliments for myself…

this is the lesson I’ve learnt from this failed challenge…. because you always learn from “failure” or more appropriately…. difficult lessons. I’ve learnt that I need to step up and make sure I love myself. I can’t love others properly until I love myself.

Until next time…

Positive talk day 9

Positive talk day 9

So after over a week of positive posting, I’m realising I’m finding it difficult to keep finding something positive to say. It shouldn’t actually be that hard. I don’t have to write whole inspiring posts to be positive talk, I should simply be making sure I have something positive to say about myself.

This challenge was more for myself than any readers, to see if I could actually do it, and to inspire people to be positive about themselves also.

So today, my positive thought is, I am of value, I am useful and I am worth it. And L’Oréal products are great…….😪 sad attempt at a joke there. But L’Oréal have got it right. I am worth it! We are all worth it 😉

Positive talk day 8

Positive talk day 8

Sometimes I feel like I’ve run out of nice things to say to, or about myself. However, today was not a bad day. Today I accomplished some of what I wanted to. Now, some people may think this isn’t something positive, but the fact that I was awake, with no headache, not running off iced coffee, is a very good thing.

So frequently I feel exhausted at work, and I even consider quitting my job. Today I felt good.

Last night I finally went and saw my doctor and explained what had been going on. We made a plan, and even the smallest step in the right direction, has made me have one of the best days I’ve had in a very long time 👌🏻

Day 7 positive talk

Day 7 positive talk

Sometimes pushing yourself to go harder can actually wear yourself it. If realised that if I want to be happy in life with good friends and a happy family, I need to remember what I’m doing things for.

I’ve said to my netball girls before, the happier you are, and the more you’re enjoying netball, the better they will play as a team.

I feel like it’s the same with every day life. If I’m constantly forcing myself to work just because I have to, then I’m not going to be enjoying it. How can someone perform their best when they are unhappy?

I need to create happiness myself. I’m the one who controls how I feel. I’m the one who controls how I react to something. I am the one who controls me. No one else. I’m the one who can make this life a happy life to live.

I’m the one who controls me 🙂

Day 6 positive talk

Day 6 positive talk

So often I feel as though I’m not really worth second glance, or a second thought. I’m exceptionally average at everything I do.

I can do anything well, but I’m never the best. I’m okay looking, but I’m not a stunner, I can cook some things, but others I cannot master.

I’m just average…

but, as we are being positive here… I will say… I am strong. I am independent. I am worth something. I am motivated. I am unique and I am me. I am extraordinary, because I am the only one of me!