Well here we go!!

Well here we go!!

Okay guys,

It’s time,

I’m changing myself for the better and I’m taking you guys along with me.

So I’ve mentioned before that I gained weight quite quickly at the beginning of the year and it hasn’t budged….well, since then I have been put on antidepressants for my anxiety. For years I thought that if I worked hard enough I would be able to fix myself, why use medication…..

I’ve been on them for two months and I’m incredibly surprised at how good I’ve been feeling mentally lately. I was told that I would possibly gain more weight, have lowered libido, and become numb to my emotions. Thankfully, none of these side effects have occurred.

So to me that’s telling me that I was doing a lot worse than I thought. The fact that some tablets made me feel better than I have in so long made me realise that it was a good thing that i started to take them.

I’m usually a very stubborn person and I like to think I can do everything by my self. This isn’t the case. Although I can be very self motivated, in this situation I did need the help. Some people may be thinking “why dont you just talk to a psychologist and ditch the drugs?”, well I’m also doing that. And I don’t think I’d be a very good patient if I didn’t have that extra help.

I used to think I’d be ashamed of myself if I got help with my mental illness. My mind made me this way so why can’t my mind fix me? I now realise that it’s more than okay to have a little help, and just that little bit of help has motivated me to get serious about my physical health.

I’ve always enjoyed being active. I’ve done many many sports and dancing, I love swimming and I love the outdoors. Since I’ve been largely inactive this past 8 months due to my promotion, I often feel frumpy and oddly exhausted every day, and I truly believe that it’s because I have been so inactive after years and years of doing every activity under the sun.

So now to the point.

I’m officially starting my journey to physical and mental health. I’ve been saying that to my boyfriend for months, but something about documenting it and sharing it with people helps. I guess now people know, I’ll have to keep it up!

So time to get real and show what were working with. To give you an idea, I’m 5’2 and a very hourglass figure. I’ve never been called skinny and I’ve been fine with that! My waist is quite small and is usually a couple sizes smaller than my bust and bum. Okay….here are my starting photos!!!

I’m as big as I’ve ever been here, plus Ive been snacking, so the way I see it.. I can only get smaller!!

A toast to a healthier mind, body and soul!!

Until next time…

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Journey to self discovery…

Journey to self discovery…

so recently while scouting the internet, i stumbled upon a list of questions to answer on your journey to self discovery. This one comes from a website lavendaire who talks about embracing your true potential. I thought it was a good idea to give this a go.

 

  1. How do I feel at the moment?
    1. stressed about going to work tomorrow to one of the places I don’t like being with a supervisor I don’t like.
  2. What do I need more of in my life?
    1. positivity
  3. What would make me happy right now?
    1. to be on holidays
  4. What’s going right in my life?
    1. so much stress about work, so many mistakes
  5. What am I grateful for?
    1. I’m grateful for my partner, my family and my stability and security.
  6. When did i experience joy this week?
    1. when my car had been fixed after months of issues
  7. My small victories and successes in the last month
    1. paying for my car repairs…..
  8. What’s bothering me, why?
    1. my job, because the aspects that are causing me severe anxiety are outweighing the good things about it.
  9. Where are my priorities right now?
    1. To improve at work
  10. What do I love about myself?
    1. I’m a bubbly personality, with boobs and bum…
  11. Who means the world to me and why?
    1. My family-even when I’m a nasty piece of work, my family are always there. My Partner. He’s the yin to my yang, he compliments me, he contrasts me, he adores my no matter what stage of life I’m at.
  12. If I could share one message with the world, what would it be?
    1. You can’t expect everything to happen without work. You can’t expect a happy life if you don’t respect and care about people the way you want to be respected and cared for.
  13. What advice would i give to my younger self?
    1. Don’t sweat the small stuff. concentrate on yourself. You’ll find a perfect man soon enough.
  14. What Lessons did I learn this week?
    1. I need to stop assuming what people will say or do. It can turn bad really quick.
  15. If I had all the time in the world, what would I do first?
    1. bugger……tough question…..I would go back to study something like teaching or psychology.
  16. What’s draining my energy? Can i reduce it or cut it out?
    1. the stress of work..right now, i need to work. I have bills to pay
  17. What does my ideal morning look like?
    1. I wake up an hour before i need to leave, I do my hair and makeup, i put on clean clothes, i make a coffee and breakfast, I watch morning news and then head to work, anxiety free.
  18. What does my ideal day look like?
    1. I go to work happy, I don’t stress about what, or how i say everything to co workers, i come home, i change, i go to extra curricular activities, I come home and make dinner, I shower, watch TV, then go to bed.
  19. What makes me come alive? when was the last time i felt alive?
    1. travelling to places where I feel small, or going to a festival where I can dance and let go of negativities. The last time I felt alive was not too long ago on a work trip to the Gold Coast in early June. I was sitting on the beach by myself and just couldn’t stop smiling and feeling good.
  20. Where does my pain originate? What would need to happen for me to heal?
    1. My pain originates from my lack of self confidence. I need to put myself in a position where I am confident and I love myself. I need to find a job that i love doing every day.
  21. Who inspires me the most? Why am I drawn to those inspirations?
    1. A strange one, but the one who inspired me to start this blog. Glenn Manton. An Ex AFL player who came to speak to us. He was brilliant. He just told stories. Stories about his experiences and the lessons he learned, about the people he’s helped. It was this night that I decided however long it takes, I want to help and motivate people the way he does.
  22. What are my strengths, what am I really good at?
    1. I see myself as quite average, however, I’m good at thinking outside the box. I tend to think of the strange things that other people might not consider or they overlook.
  23. What is something I’ve always wanted to do but have been too scared?
    1. Those merry go round rides that go up into the air, spinning, while you’re sitting in nothing but a child swing seat.
  24. What is something I would love to learn?
    1. I’d love to learn German
  25. What hobbies would I love to try?
    1. Photography, Poetry, creative writing
  26. Where would I love to live in my ideal life?
    1. The Adelaide Hills in South Australia
  27. Where would I like to travel in the next 5 years?
    1. Germany, New Orleans
  28. What can I do to take better care of myself?
    1. Eat, and eat well
  29. When have i done something that i thought i couldn’t do?
    1. honestly I don’t remember…
  30. At the end of my life, what do I want my legacy to be?
    1. When I die, I want to be remembered for that person that always worked hard, always tried her best and always wanted to make everyone around her happy. I want to be remembered for being there for others.
Day 7 positive talk

Day 7 positive talk

Sometimes pushing yourself to go harder can actually wear yourself it. If realised that if I want to be happy in life with good friends and a happy family, I need to remember what I’m doing things for.

I’ve said to my netball girls before, the happier you are, and the more you’re enjoying netball, the better they will play as a team.

I feel like it’s the same with every day life. If I’m constantly forcing myself to work just because I have to, then I’m not going to be enjoying it. How can someone perform their best when they are unhappy?

I need to create happiness myself. I’m the one who controls how I feel. I’m the one who controls how I react to something. I am the one who controls me. No one else. I’m the one who can make this life a happy life to live.

I’m the one who controls me 🙂

Day 2 positive talk

Day 2 positive talk

Failure shouldn’t be so negative. I like to believe failure is just one of those hard lessons in life. I’m not a failure, I’m just still learning and growing. I have yet to be where I want to be. When I get to my success, I will know I’m only there due to those little failures teaching me lessons along the way.

A new challenge

A new challenge

Negativity, can rule an anxious persons life. I think I need some positivity in my every day thoughts.

I’ve decided to challenge my self to post a positive, or motivational post every day for two weeks. Not only am I hoping to improve my mental well-being, I’m also hoping that some people will be able to read the post, and feel, even just for a fleeting moment, better about themselves or their situation. Maybe some people will feel empowered.

I challenge anyone out there who reads this, to say something positive or encouraging to themselves every day. There is always something good in every day. Even when you feel as though the world is on your shoulders, there is something good in every day!

For example, when I was at uni one day in first year, i had a girl I considered one of my best friends accuse me of spreading some nasty stuff about her. That was the first of many negative things that day. Next I realised I had failed a term topic test for chemistry. Next I was late for a very important tutorial, and at the end of the day I had a migraine, a two hour trip home on a train, no pain killers and no water….that night I ended up vomiting and in bed before eating anything.

But, what was the good thing that happened that day? I hear you all asking. Well even though I had this thought the next day, I still reflected on something positive that happened on an awful day.

I remember looking up and the sky, blue, with whips of white, and thinking “how beautiful is this day”

As small as that was, it meant I was okay. I was okay enough to appreciate the day. Sometimes I feel that if I can find one thing to be happy about each day, then I am able to ground myself and not fall into despair. I can hold onto those positive thoughts and tell myself, that not everything is hopeless. It means that I have the strength to pull myself up and move on.

This one memory I often fall back to. I often remind myself of how I felt in that moment. I was okay. And if I keep finding the good in a seemingly dreary day, then I’ll be okay.

And so today’s motivation

After a storm comes the sun. Both are needed in life to grow and thrive.

Until next time…

Motivation

Motivation

I want to be a motivational speaker.

 

I’ve been thinking fro a few years now, that i want to help inspire and motivate people. Especially young people in high school and uni. Life is hard, even if you get everything given to you, life is a hard road. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t know anyone who hasn’t needed just a little encouraging word to help them along at some point.

I’ve been thinking about how i feel in my job right now, and I’ve been trying to get to know my contractors. What I’ve found is that they all just need a little motivation. They all get a little down and hopeless sometimes. I’ve realised that it’s exhausting for them trying to constantly produce the perfect goods that my company requires. What do they have out here to inspire them? what do they do to feel good about themselves? do they take pride in themselves? As a consultant, I’ve found that the morale is falling!

This made me realise more than ever that I want to inspire, and motivate, and make people feel good about their businesses and themselves, and where they stand in the world. I want to make people realise their worth! Hard times don’t last forever, but people need to be able to believe that themselves. I want to help people realise that no matter what the situation, it can get better. Whether it is Physical or mental, you can change your situation, as long as you wish it, it can happen.

I want to help people understand their own happiness and how it is within them to create it. It’s not unattainable, you just have to find that little seed…It seems that the more i want to help other people, the more I truly believe I can create a happy fulfilled future for myself.

until next time…

 

Today I Showered

Today I Showered

Today, I showered

Today, I made my bed

Today, I woke up without a migraine

Today, I made myself feel beautiful and put on some makeup

Today, I put on my TV and it didn’t glitch out when the copious amounts of trains and trucks filling their trailers with grain drove past

Today, I think i like myself.

The start of this year i got promoted from a Trainee to a fully fledged member of the team. I was wary of the effect this much responsibility would have on me. First bad move. Thinking that from the beginning has made it that much worse.

I had a week of over Christmas and the new year and it was pretty good, although my whole immediate family contracted Gastro and we were banned from attending any Christmas festivities, my best childhood friend also forgot about out lunch date so i was left waiting for an hour before going home again. So Christmas… wasn’t the best but I saw my family, I spent time with my family and that’s what matters. Yes, it is, but for me i was angry and miserable the whole time.

New Years, at this point in time, i don’t even remember what we did…so i guess it wasn’t that good anyway if i cant remember….

My favourite part of that week off was the time we spent up the river with my sister and her family and friends. I felt relaxed, i had fun, i was peaceful. I SHOWED OFF MY BODY. I felt good about showing myself off……. so, what happened from there?

I went back to work. Fresh and ready to perform. Then the stress hit me. I had expectations coming from my boss and supervisor, I had expectations coming from the contractors i deal with, why wasn’t i fixing their problems? I had a trial that was put on hiatus while i was working interstate for two months and the data had accumulated. I felt like i had the weight on my shoulders. My old injury returned, my migraines returned….

For the first two weeks back at work, I was exhausted. I was eating well but, I was sleeping poorly and so during the work day, and when I got home, I would doze off. I was light headed and woozy. My boobs were so sore and tender that i thought i was pregnant! turns out i wasn’t and at the end of that two weeks, I got my period.

I then became miserable. Not so much exhausted anymore, but just down and miserable. I was depressed. I put on 6Kg and weigh more than I ever have. I was hanging out for my second week of leave which is now coming to an end. I had such high expectations of this past week. Jack and I went away to the beach and it was beautiful. The weather didn’t get good until the last two days, but we still enjoyed it. Well I thought i enjoyed it. I smiled, I laughed and i soaked up what little sun was there. But, I didn’t really feel truly happy. They we’re fleeting moments of happiness. Not that deep feeling in your gut where you honestly feel free from burden.

I can never get work off my mind. It’s always there, always pushing everything else out of my mind. It’s the most exhausting thing to experience. Having anxiety when you deal with people everyday is a struggle. You always feel like you’re being judged, and you always feel the need to exceed expectations. I’m working on that part of my life and that will be the biggest obstacle to if not overcome, but manage.

Today, This Friday, on my last day of leave for a while, I feel okay. At the beginning of this post I wrote a list of what i accomplished today. And just writing that list helps me feel even better. Guys, I actually got out of bed, made my bed, showered and had breakfast and coffee like a normal person! I even put on a fresh face of makeup because IT MAKES ME HAPPY. I’m not going anywhere today, at all…i’ll probably do a workout and then take off my makeup. But, I felt good, I FEEL good.

I started to think about why I felt better today, and it’s because I acknowledged my accomplishments. However small they were, I realised that they mattered, they were accomplishments because I hadn’t done these things in a long time. When you get into a slump, it can be hard to climb out, I’m still not out of the woods yet, I’ve just taken the first step. But that step is movement. That step is forward progression, that step is the beginning. That step is a step closer to where I wan’t to be. And if i don’t acknowledge the small steps I take, I’ll never progress and I’ll never feel at ease. I know I might have bad days but I can’t give up. I don’t like feeling this way, I don’t want to feel so down and out of focus.

I wan’t to enjoy my family and friends. I appreciate them, I appreciate the ones that have stuck by me when I’ve gone through rough times. I also appreciate the ones that left. They prompted me to make a change for the better. I need to focus on all the small goals i have reached and be proud. Because every goal reached is a milestone

 

Till next time,

xx