My first love was when I was 16 years old, my current and hopefully last, when I was 23 years old. The distance and difference between these relationships, and the person I was, is astounding. For those where both of these people are the same person… you got it right the first time 🙂
My first love, my first sexual encounter, my first heartbreak, my first love lesson learned.
This was my first offical relationship. It lasted 3 years. I don’t regret the relationship, I don’t regret being with that person, the only thing I regret is some of the way things were handled. It was a passionate, heated, soul sucking, roller coaster ride. When things were good, they were perfect. When things were bad, they were run for the hills before being caught in the crossfire.
These are my experiences, I’m aware that not everyone experiences the same things. This is just me recalling the way I felt.
During a first love relationship emotions are new! They are overwhelming and terrifying and beautiful all at the same time. Every emotion is heightened. When something goes wrong… it’s like the whole world is ending.
My first love and I ended on a relatively poor note. Too many people thinking they knew what was best for us when we didn’t even know ourselves. Too many lies and too many uncertainties. I became depressed and I thought I’d never find anyone to share my life with. There was no one else who would love me. How wrong I was!
I’ve had a couple in between where I thought I had loved them, but knowing what I do now, I know it wasn’t the type of love that I hold dear to me now. My current love…. where do I start. This type of love, it’s exciting, it’s comfortable, it’s safe and brilliant. After all this time with my partner and I still get butterflies when I think of him, I still can’t help but smile when I think of his face, I still need to tell him I love him multiple times a day and it’s honestly never enough. This kind of love is solid. its there like a concrete bunker, surrounding us. Impenetrable.
I have a young friend who recently became pregnant before being told she wasn’t wanted anymore by the father of the baby. Yeah… sleaze right….? Another story perhaps. But even after all he had put her through, she still insisted that he was the only one for her. The only one she would ever love. She was confused by that first love haze. It still hadn’t lifted. She wasn’t able to see the stats behind the clouds yet.
All our friends were giving all your typical advice like “get drunk and sleep with others” well being pregnant prevented this one, “be distracted, lets forget about him” and the all to common question people would ask “aw are you ok”…….. this one grinds my gears! Of course she is not okay! Her boyfriend just left her to raise a child on her own! Now instead of using “are you okay?” I simply say “I know things aren’t the best right now but you have my support and friendship”
After hearing the advice she’d been given, it got me thinking back to my first love and the way I felt after the breakup. It made me realise that the most important thing you can do is give yourself time. Time to heal. Do you walk on a broken leg after you’ve fallen off the horse? No! You wait six weeks for that shit to heal! Which is what I said to her! It sucks to feel alone and like no one cares but after suffering heartbreak, your body needs a rest. I tried to explain that there is definitely someone better out there who will adore her and her daughter one day. It may not be in the next 2 months, it may not be until 3 years from now, but if she continued to be the person she was, then people would look twice.
For me, I thought I was healed six months after the break up. I went on to date two more men after this and they both did not end well. Turns out that I wasn’t done recovering and had made my emotional state worse in the end. When you give your body enough time to heal, you will be able to fully open your heart to whomever walks in to it.
After experiencing a relationship so wonderful, but not always perfect, I can now see where I went wrong, I can now see that sometimes conflict is okay. It doesn’t mean they will go cheat on you the next time you say something less than nice. I think if I hadn’t been through some rough relationships that I wouldn’t be able to understand things the way I do now.
My first love was just a stepping stone to something greater. And if the things didn’t occur in the beginning, I still think at some point it would have happened. I still needed to learn some valuable lessons. Until I had learned these lessons I don’t think I would be able to be so happy in my current relationship!
Until next time…