Well here we go!!

Well here we go!!

Okay guys,

It’s time,

I’m changing myself for the better and I’m taking you guys along with me.

So I’ve mentioned before that I gained weight quite quickly at the beginning of the year and it hasn’t budged….well, since then I have been put on antidepressants for my anxiety. For years I thought that if I worked hard enough I would be able to fix myself, why use medication…..

I’ve been on them for two months and I’m incredibly surprised at how good I’ve been feeling mentally lately. I was told that I would possibly gain more weight, have lowered libido, and become numb to my emotions. Thankfully, none of these side effects have occurred.

So to me that’s telling me that I was doing a lot worse than I thought. The fact that some tablets made me feel better than I have in so long made me realise that it was a good thing that i started to take them.

I’m usually a very stubborn person and I like to think I can do everything by my self. This isn’t the case. Although I can be very self motivated, in this situation I did need the help. Some people may be thinking “why dont you just talk to a psychologist and ditch the drugs?”, well I’m also doing that. And I don’t think I’d be a very good patient if I didn’t have that extra help.

I used to think I’d be ashamed of myself if I got help with my mental illness. My mind made me this way so why can’t my mind fix me? I now realise that it’s more than okay to have a little help, and just that little bit of help has motivated me to get serious about my physical health.

I’ve always enjoyed being active. I’ve done many many sports and dancing, I love swimming and I love the outdoors. Since I’ve been largely inactive this past 8 months due to my promotion, I often feel frumpy and oddly exhausted every day, and I truly believe that it’s because I have been so inactive after years and years of doing every activity under the sun.

So now to the point.

I’m officially starting my journey to physical and mental health. I’ve been saying that to my boyfriend for months, but something about documenting it and sharing it with people helps. I guess now people know, I’ll have to keep it up!

So time to get real and show what were working with. To give you an idea, I’m 5’2 and a very hourglass figure. I’ve never been called skinny and I’ve been fine with that! My waist is quite small and is usually a couple sizes smaller than my bust and bum. Okay….here are my starting photos!!!

I’m as big as I’ve ever been here, plus Ive been snacking, so the way I see it.. I can only get smaller!!

A toast to a healthier mind, body and soul!!

Until next time…

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Guys I failed…

Guys I failed…

Guys,

I failed my challenge!!

I got to day 9 and then just forgot. I FORGOT TO COMPLIMENT MYSELF! I think it just makes me realise how I don’t give myself as much love, care and attention that I do everyone else in my life.

Basically, I love making people happy. It bring me joy to know that I’ve helped make someone’s day that little bit better, all the while, forgetting about my self.

I really struggled to say something positive everyday for 9 days… I could not find 10 compliments for myself…

this is the lesson I’ve learnt from this failed challenge…. because you always learn from “failure” or more appropriately…. difficult lessons. I’ve learnt that I need to step up and make sure I love myself. I can’t love others properly until I love myself.

Until next time…

Positive talk day 9

Positive talk day 9

So after over a week of positive posting, I’m realising I’m finding it difficult to keep finding something positive to say. It shouldn’t actually be that hard. I don’t have to write whole inspiring posts to be positive talk, I should simply be making sure I have something positive to say about myself.

This challenge was more for myself than any readers, to see if I could actually do it, and to inspire people to be positive about themselves also.

So today, my positive thought is, I am of value, I am useful and I am worth it. And L’Oréal products are great…….😪 sad attempt at a joke there. But L’Oréal have got it right. I am worth it! We are all worth it 😉

Day 6 positive talk

Day 6 positive talk

So often I feel as though I’m not really worth second glance, or a second thought. I’m exceptionally average at everything I do.

I can do anything well, but I’m never the best. I’m okay looking, but I’m not a stunner, I can cook some things, but others I cannot master.

I’m just average…

but, as we are being positive here… I will say… I am strong. I am independent. I am worth something. I am motivated. I am unique and I am me. I am extraordinary, because I am the only one of me!

I tried yoga

I tried yoga

I’ve been getting into yoga, or Pilates a bit very recently, and i tell you what, I think it’s for me.

I love the gym. I love doing weights. I hate cardio…but i think that’s the general consensus with people i have spoken to. I had access to a great gym when I was at uni. It was on campus so it was easy to walk down after dinner before bed and do a workout. I used to be a morning person until i moved onto campus. took advantage of my classes being 2 minutes away. Anyway, that’s how i became a night person, and so it suited me best to do my workouts at night.

The point is, is that i loved going to the gym….but now I don’t live at uni anymore and my job took me away from any major gym. I would have to drive about 40 Kilometres before finding a half okay gym…..76 kilometres if i wanted a mainstream Gym. It’s just not practical when i finish work at 4.30pm, and then I have to go home, prepare dinner, prepare for the next day…..also on top of being a netball coach, training twice a week, games every saturday…and then Monday night netball……come to think about it…I can’t see why I’m not more fit than i am…hmm…

Actually I do know. Although I work my butt of doing extreme amounts of cardio, i see no result. No significant result that it. I may tone up a little but I never feel good about myself. When I was at the gym 5-6 times a week, I felt motivated and i felt good about myself. I look back on those photos of me from Uni and think ‘wow, i actually worked so hard back then”. So I think to now when I’m doing stacks of netball and i see no improvement. I play netball because I love it, but as a new member to the club last year, it was also a scary thing for me. It was hard when i knew no one previously at the club. I almost decided to quit. I also had a back injury for half the season…..looking back… It wasn’t the most enjoyable season of netball I’ve had.

I wasn’t enjoying myself. I’d punish  myself when I did something wrong. I was so harsh on myself. Having that kind of attitude is not going to help me be happy and healthy. This year, the season has just begun and so far I’ve been struggling with my fitness. I get exhausted a lot easier these days.  After my wave of depression recently, I realised that when i listened to my sleep meditation before bed, I’d wake up better, than when I hadn’t. This got me thinking. running around doing crazy cardio IS NOT making me feel good right now. Pushing too much can have the opposite effect of what I’m after. So, while thinking about how i really need find time to meditate during the day, I wondered about how mediation made my mind feel. How can I make my body feel like my mind feels after meditation.

Knowing that I will still be doing cardio during netball, I thought, “Hey! yoga and Pilates are like meditation for the body!” so the past few days I’ve been trying it. I’ve been doing complete beginner videos but still, after i finish a workout or recently I’ve found out it’s a ‘Flow’, I feel so good. I don’t mean like I’m ecstatic and wanna laugh and run and jump…I mean I feel calm. My whole body feels calm AS WELL AS my mind. I’ve even found that after a workout walk taller, sit at a computer with better posture and my overall movement feels….lighter somewhat. With how hectic my lifestyle has become, It’s refreshing to be able to have a couple hours of calm where I honestly haven’t thought about work! I’ve found the key and i don’t think I want to give that up anytime soon

 

Util next time…

Body Image

Body Image

So,

Like many women, and men, my view on my body changes like I change clothes before a date night. So, a lot.

Just recently I was exercising quite a bit. Eating well, sleeping well, and I was generally happy. When all this conflict happened with work, all of that more or less stopped. I’d get home from work and do nothing. I’d put the tv on and sit there watching mostly cartoons until I went to bed. The thing is though, is that I would sit there annoyed and disappointed at myself because I wasn’t going for a walk, or doing at least a home workout, and because that upset me, I’d shove another Dorito in my mouth. I’d stare at the dishes and be like, “I am such a shit person that I can’t even keep my house clean” and eat another slice of pizza…. and then curse at myself for shoving pizza in my mouth .. the cycle would start again.

So that was last week. This week… is a new week. See the thing is, that I’ve always been told, or believed that saying “oh I’ll just start again next week” was a bad thing, that it was procrastinating. HELL NO ITS NOT. But I’ll get to that later.

Up until I was about 12, when puberty hit, I could eat anything. I was always told it was because I did every sport under the sun, which was true, however after I was 12 I still did every sport I could and I would gain weight. I remember the very first time I felt insecure about my body, I think I was 9. I was to go to a friends house for a swim and I asked my mum where my one piece fluorescent bathers were. She had said they were in the wash and I should wear my two piece that was clean in my drawer. I told my mum that I didn’t want to wear that one because I didn’t like my belly. If I EVER heard a nine year old say that about her self now I would cry!

I guess what I’m saying, is that I’ve always had body image issues. But it has only been in the last few years that I begun to accept things. I’m not saying I give up trying to be healthy… he’ll no. I still want to be the best version of myself I can. I still want to eat healthy and I do enjoy being fit, but now I’m willing to accept that version of me. I’m willing to accept that a fit healthy me, will always have boobs and thick legs. I have the so called “ideal” body shape that men desire. (However I do wholeheartedly believe every body type is beautiful, without a doubt) but because I’m a scientist, in my strange mind I think of how boobs show fertility, and wife hopes means I’d be good at carrying a baby! Somehow that makes me feel better okay….

So the way I feel about my body fluctuates, but now I can bring myself back from the negative without any outside help, and it took such a long time to get to that stage. But I’m there. So back to that “oh I’ll start next week”. In my eyes, that statement is the seed to being body confident. How often do you plant a seed in the beginning and it fails to grow. Each time that seed fails to grow, you learn more and more about how to make it bloom. Same goes for body confidence in my mind. Saying “I’ll start next Monday” is a hell of a lot better than “what’s the point?”. At least you’re being positive. Each time you try to start again, there is the potential to learn something new! The next time you try again, you’ll be that on step further.

So even Monday night I was still moping on the couch eating shit food, and today…. well I’m currently sitting on the couch eating cheesecake, it so happens to be my partners birthday. The difference about yesterday and today? The way I feel about myself. I decided that no one should be able to influence the way I feel about myself. If I’m happy, who cares? The difference is that I am looking back on all those times I WAS successful, all those times my seed grew and blossomed, even for a short while. I’ve already done it before… so what’s different? Only my attitude. No one can change my attitude but me.

It’s okay to have off days or weeks. If you’re serious about weight loss and being fit, then it will happen if you want it to. You will make mistakes and you will stumble. But in the end it’s better to make mistakes rather than not try at all, right. This is the lesson I’ve learned …

Until next time…